Love... True Love

As I have said before and will continue saying, the title of this blog is a misnomer in my eyes. There are a couple domestic bones in me, but if you offered me a live-in maid and cook, no strings attached, done. Okay, so I make my own cleaners. And I love to bake for my family and friends. But really, I am no domestic goddess, despite what some of my friends might say after biting into a deliciously scrumptious chocolate croissant.

For example, my husband and I decided to divide the "big" chores early in our marriage. This managed to save our sanity... mine because, like I said, I don't love chores and domestic-ing... his because he gets a little more than a little nuts when things aren't clean. So, because I'm partially OCD about laundry, that became my job and he drew dishes. In most ways, this arrangement works out flawlessly. If laundry falls behind, he'll gently remind me that I either have a long lecture with the Laundry Girl or fire her outright. If the dirty dishes start stacking up, the Dish Boy is playfully shamed by coming home to a load of clean dishes. Blame the Laundry Girl. This arrangement has worked for about ten years, so who am I to change it? (Note: both the Laundry Girl and Dish Boy have a serious problem putting away their creative medium. So it's very possible we will be hiring an organization guru just so we don't have to put things away. :) )

Sometimes the arrangement hits a snag. Like the last three days when I've been living like a single parent (sidenote: To all the single parents who read this blog, I applaud you. I could not walk in your shoes for any more than a few days at a time.) because dear hubby left town for a conference. WHO WILL DO THE DISHES??? But before he left, he did dishes so they wouldn't be too much of a burden for me. And when I tempted myself to put that load away, I knew how much my dear one loved me.

Love, for me, is in the little things. Sure, grand gestures don't go unnoticed, but the little things are some of the most intimate ways couples share their feelings. This is mainly because the little things mean nearly nothing to outsiders.

When I put away dishes, this was the setting. The dishwasher was half-full and not yet ready to run. There was a towel full of hand washed stuff that needed to be cleared away before washing the next load. In the middle of that towel was sitting a lonely green coffee cup... my favorite. I don't know why I like it so much. Fits my hand? Holds drinks hot? It doesn't matter. This mug that could have easily been put in the dishwasher (and usually is) was handwashed by my so perfect husband before he left for a few days because he knows it's my favorite.

That's true love. And that's how I know we will be together for a long, long time.

Frugal Living *or* How I Made a Bottle of Fabric Softener Last a Whole Year

You read that right... one bottle of Downy has lasted me one whole year. But first, a little back story:

About three years ago I got started on Pinterest (Isn't that how it always starts? With addiction.) I was amazed at the things people were doing... like making their own cleaners!!! So I started with all purpose cleanser. You know the one. Spray, wipe, spray anywhere, wipe. I was thrilled with how well it cleaned my WHITE kitchen and shared this discovery with my dear husband. His response, "are we so poor you're having to make laundry detergent too?" He had sensed a change in the way clothes felt. My response? Um.... no.... but.... (I have now not bought all purpose cleaner like 409 for three years.)

So I started making laundry detergent.After several trials I finally found a recipe that I love and that saves me so much money! And we haven't bought laundry detergent for two years. Just "ingredients."

Soon after I started on Pinterest, my sister got me into couponing. This saved our family a ton of money too, but one thing I couldn't give up on was fabric softener (because of the jeans. I hate the way they crinkle when not softened.) I grew up with liquid fabric softener and in college I was a Downy enthusiast. But during the couponing phase I would use whatever I could get cheap. Liquid, dryer sheets, even the dryer bar. Then it got to crunch time when moving was just a little while away and I was running out of necessities. I had some liquid fabric softener and a whole mess of cut up tee shirts that I was using as impromptu Lysol wipes. Now, I'd seen it on Pinterest. My mom had even mentioned that she used to do it. So i made my first batch of dryer sheets.

That fabric softener at the top of the page? Still the same bottle I used to make my first batch a year ago. I've perfected the process (in the beginning it was pretty rough going.) And there's still a lot in there! So here's my secret for you.

Take a mason jar and put a capful of fabric softener in it. Then put
in a few clean pieces of cut up tee shirt. Cap the jar and flip it over so that every piece of material has an opportunity to soak up the liquid. Add a few clean pieces at a time, liberally adding liquid to the jar when the last amount has been soaked up. Make sure you turn the jar every few days. Now, this whole process takes about two weeks for me since I cycle through about a million pieces of fabric. When it's done, dump out your fabrics and start stacking them, alternating more soaked pieces for less soaked and then roll them up sushi-style. This is to try to get the pieces more or less evenly soaked. Hang and dry. They shouldn't drip (that was one of my mistakes early on) but they will make your house smell... strongly... of fabric softener. This is nice for the refreshing smell (may be better than air fresheners), but for me it gets a bit overpowering so I have to leave the house every few hours. When they're dry, fold them up (maybe in a nice baby wipes box like the one in the background) and use as needed. One of the great things about these sheets is that depending on how soaked a sheet got, you may be able to use them multiple times. I have one sheet that's on it's fifth use right now! The drawback to this method is that
once you commit a piece of fabric, that will be it's use for life. No matter how often you wash them, they always feel a little slick from the fabric softener. For me, that has turned into a plus because I know after a towel wash which pieces to toss in the mason jar.

Next time I buy a bottle of fabric softener, I plan on dating it by purchase date to see just how long it lasts!

Emotions

Over the past week I've been having a mixture of emotions. This shouldn't surprise me since I'm 26 weeks pregnant, and I'm not surprised really. But it makes me nervous.

After the "blue period" I had after Monkey's birth, huge swings like this really alert me to something wrong. Before, I never went to a therapist to talk through what was going on. I relied on friends and family for help through it but it wasn't enough until things really hit the fan that Christmas. Then, I worked on myself to pull me out of blue and get my relationships back in order. This abbreviated version is much less painful to recount. The full version still hurts my heart that I... me all on my own... hurt so many people who are close to me including my precious daughter. Just in the last year have we been able to develop a loving mother/daughter relationship.

But then, now.

On Saturday, most of the day I felt... sad. I couldn't explain the reason or trace back to something that was said or happened to make me feel this way. Because my little family are all emotional chameleons (including myself), I separated myself from the family so as not to pass along my black cloud. My saint of a husband gave me my space and let me have a prolonged cry. But nothing helped and I went to work on Sunday with the cloud still hanging over my head. (There were a couple times I started tearing up at work, but thankfully that wasn't spotted.)

So I started "journaling." I don't keep a regular journal. Heck, I can't even write on this blog with any regularity. But I've found that whenever I put my thoughts and feelings to paper, somehow the emotions carry through the ink and dissipate from my psyche. This can probably just be called "personal reflection" or some other super psychological term. So, since I did that things have been looking better and I've been feeling better.

03/2011 Smiling lips, sad eyes, buried feelings.

All this makes me hypersensitive for the arrival of baby #2 though. I do not want to go through a similar period in my little man's arrival. I want one of my children to attach to me in the beginning. (Note: I'm am grateful and pleased that Monkey has such a special bond with my dear hubby. But I wish that I could have had the opportunity to create a similar connection with her too.) When I picked my OB/GYN here in Louisville, I'll admit I only did a little research before making my decision. I'm so glad I've picked this one though. An all-female staff makes me feel so comfortable in the wake of my last hippie, Dead wearing, shoe-enthusiast of a man OB/GYN from last time. But they have a therapist on staff! So if I hit that bump that I can't call postpartum depression since it wasn't "diagnosed," I will have a person to talk to instead of my paper to keep me on the right side.

As a last parting thought, although Brooke Shields brought postpartum depression to the forefront of the social consciousness and into the crosshairs for many (much like PTSD, but I can't speak to that personally), it's still a taboo topic. A very dear friend of mine helped me see that (and work my way out of that period. You know who you are and as a personal shout-out, I couldn't have become whole again without your support.) Women... share your stories! If we keep it all internally, then we can't learn from each other. And fellow mothers are the only people who can guide the way out of the darkness.